mari13 (2)‘Weird but Harmless’

‘The more things change, the more they stay the same’ – A French expression

On a sunny Saturday the white bloke wearing khaki shorts, a Disney ‘Lion King’ t-shirt and a battered tin hat carrying a rifle shot a pregnant lioness. Chuffed with himself he had his wife take a photo of him standing over the furry corpse. Come Sunday morning he went to church to thank his god for his good fortune. He got on well with his god although even he had to admit it was generally a one-way conversation.

Come Monday he carried the furry corpse off to the taxidermist to have it stuffed. The taxidermist was up for the gig but pointed out that inside the body of the furry corpse there were three unborn lion cubs. Two females; one male. The taxidermist asked the bloke still wearing khaki shorts, a Disney ‘Lion King’ t-shirt and a battered tin hat but no longer carrying a rifle if he wanted the embryos stuffed as well. The bloke who shot the lioness said, “No thanks. I think that’s disgusting.” The taxidermist just shrugged and got on with his work.

On the Tuesday, the lioness and the ‘cubs that never were’ killer got a phone call on his landline from a midwife who worked in the hospital down town. She told him that his daughter was about to give birth to triplets. Two girls and a boy.

Rather than take the shower he needed he changed out of his Disney ‘Lion King’ t-shirt because it was chucking up a bit into his Disney ‘Beauty & The Beast’ (remake design) t-shirt but kept the rest on, even the battered tin hat. He left his rifle locked up safe in the cupboard and drove off to the hospital.

When he got there he was introduced to his new grandchildren, Eric, Derek and Moonbeam. He wasn’t sure about the name ‘Moonbeam’ but kept his mouth shut. After telling his daughter he was chuffed to be a grandad he showed her the pic of him with the dead lioness. The daughter told him he must be sick in the head.

By Wednesday he was down in the dumps about falling out with his daughter. She’d also told him to get out of her and her kids’ lives. Finding that hard to take he went back home thinking he’d have a private chat with his god. His god must have been busy that day.

His wife asked him if it were possible would he bring the lioness and her three unborn cubs back to life if it meant getting along with his daughter again. He said ‘Yes, I’d never shoot a lion again. If that was possible I’d shoot Elephants instead’.

His wife left him on the Thursday. By Friday, to help get back into the hunting zone, he’d shot the taxidermist dead, just prior to doing what he saw as the honourable thing.  He got himself a Disney original ‘Dumbo the Elephant’ t-shirt.

This post was prompted by a thing I saw on the news last week about some idiot Englishman who called himself a conservationist who thought it great to get over the South Africa and get photographed with lion he’d just murdered.

While on the subject of weirdness here’s probably the weirdest song I’ve ever written. It hasn’t had an outing for ages, so here it is. I hope you enjoy;

derek owl (2)‘I Like Birds’ – An Eels song title

I like birds as well. In Australia they discovered the 19 million year old fossil of a giant parrot that stood over one metre tall. That got me wondering how tall pirates must have been back in the day as they generally have a parrot on their shoulder. Anyway, here’s the song ‘I Like Birds’ from Eels;

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    1. Thanks David. I just write down the first thing that comes into my head. The bloke who killed the lion was on my mind and next I was writing about him. Weird, but that’s a musician’s way and probably why I’d never make a great writer! Thanks again ~ George

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Love the brilliant, insightful story, George!
    Always love the music.
    haha have not heard that Eels song in a while…I looked up the year and also found out it was written to honour Everett’s mother…so it seems so appropriate it was to honour a death!

    (love the question of the pirate, that made me laugh out loud)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, I’m glad you liked it. Mark Everett writes great lyrics. He doesn’t seem to care if his words wander off someplace weird. I like his work. Unique in so many ways. I think the parrot thing could have been a whole post. I was thinking that if Mr and Mrs Parrot plus a load of eggs were nesting it would take some hell of a tree to support them. From there I went into pet shop mode. The shop would have to be a stadium – from there it got a bit surreal, especially as parrots imitate human speech. They could probably deafen people. Thanks again ~ George

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ooooo I think you are right, it should be a whole post.
        I love that too, work that wanders into weird places. But so little time…
        And it’s always a pleasure George. I always appreciate your support too, thank you!

        Liked by 2 people

  2. Damn Disney remakes!

    There are plenty of idiot Americans feeling they’re entitled to the planet because they’re frickin’ Americans who would actually do something like this.

    Your song reminds me a little of Genesis from the Peter Gabriel days–philosophical minstrel style, methinks…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks. I’d always thought Brits didn’t do this stuff. I got it wrong. This was the second shooting of a lion I’d heard about in just a couple of weeks. It has to end. Thanks again ~ George

      Liked by 1 person

  3. That was actually very thought provoking. I hate all the pictures we see of these people who think it’s a great thing to shoot, kill and then use the body of the beautiful creation as a trophy. That they teach their kids that this is an acceptable practice I find shocking and unfortunately, even as a Christian girl, I have no compassion for these hunters who are killed and torn apart by the very animals they are hunting. Karma!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. They don’t deserve compassion. Who would kill a wild animal – I take care not to walk on ants – true! I don’t think I’ll ever understand some people. Thanks for the comment and have a good day ~ George

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I should explain. The first line of your link reads, ‘The absurd logic of the ‘real character’ and the extreme discipline of Disneyland become apparent when a real fan of Disney’s Snow White* is banned from entering the park in a Snow White costume.’ It made me laugh ~ George

        Liked by 1 person

  4. This may be a grim piece from you George but it is captivating and well written. In view of the recent shootings on this side of the Atlantic I was not sure where you were going with the man in his shorts and Lion King t-shirt but at least he did not go into a Walmart! I have just re-followed you as for some reason you had dropped off my list of followed blogs. This has happened to me before . A WordPress hiccup I guess.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Anne. I did have it in mind to write about gun crime and see what words arrived but thought better of it. It didn’t feel right at the time, then the news of the lion killer – it had to be done. The WP issues I wasn’t suffering like others but now I am. I go into the blogs of people I follow and bottom right on their blog it asks me to follow. What’s all that about? Anyway, thanks for reading ~ George

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Christy B. I’m so glad you liked it. I’ve never put it on an album. It’s one I wrote at uni when asked to write an experimental song. I got marked down because of the guitar riff near the end not being experimental! It was about about the then, and even now, threat from North Korea and its bombs. Thanks again, enjoy your day ~ George

      Liked by 1 person

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