POLE DANCER OR WEIGHTLIFTER?

montreil sized 2‘Branch Lines’  by Zoolon

This is all true. For reasons I won’t bore you with, at some stage most days I find myself visiting the local Post Office. It’s not a place that sparks creativity, that’s for sure. Quite the opposite. Generally I end up in a queue, often with a smelly person in front of me and someone sneezing at will or coughing their guts up stood behind me. Also it’s a place where people talk total rubbish.

So, there I was in the queue yesterday, minding my own business when I hear two women – a bit older than me I’m guessing, but not old, old. One says to the other, “What would you rather be, a pole dancer or a weightlifter?” I was thinking what an odd comparison when her friend answered, “A pole dancer because they get more tips. Which one would you choose?” Fair play I thought. Certainly to the best of my knowledge weightlifters probably don’t get tips that often. Anyway, the other one answers, “I think I’d be a taxi driver because I’m pretty sure they get more tips than pole dancers.”

I was left wondering why she included ‘weightlifters’ in the question in the first place, just before I lost the will to live realising that that was 10 minutes of my life I’d never get back.

Things got a bit better on the brain cell front when I overheard the bloke in a suit at the back of the queue shouting at someone on the other end of his mobile. What this bloke shouted was epic. It went like this, “I think you’ll find I’ve created more time.” ‘Created more time’!!!! Now that is major and I fully expected people would drop to their knees singing, ‘Hallelujah’ and start worshiping him. No one did though.

When I finally made it to the counter the woman who served me, I guessed from her emotionless expression, must be right up there when it comes to poker. Anyhow, throughout the whole of my transaction she never uttered a single word. Respect. 

Time for a song. This one hasn’t been aired for ages. It’s the only published song from my discography where the lyric isn’t one I wrote. This one was a collaboration. It’s called ‘The Sunlight & The Dust’ from my Dream Rescuer album and it’s another that’s made its way to the headphones of ReverbNations curators. I live in hope, and hope you enjoy;

By the way, at the top of this blog post is the ‘Your Poetry to Song’ link. If any poets out there fancy having their work put into song then hopefully I’m your man. All you need to do to get a project under way is contact me via that link.

Copyright © 2017 Zoolon Audio.  All rights reserved.  Unauthorised copying, reproduction, hiring, lending, public performance and broadcasting prohibited.

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55 thoughts on “POLE DANCER OR WEIGHTLIFTER?

  1. Post offices are funny little universes, aren’t they? The guy in my local one is the most miserable bugger on the planet. And he almost always questions the address. Once I was sending something to the BBC and he claimed it didn’t exist. Oh, and in answer to the original question – it’s weightlifter for me. I’m a bit scared of heights and not too fussed about tips. So there you go 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

    1. It’s interesting. A post office is probably the only business type place where ‘customer care’ is non existent. Can you imagine the post office to get their staff to say things like, ‘Have a nice day’ and stuff like that? Having said that I don’t want ‘Have a nice day’ leveled at me too often. There is one particular lady at the counter who smiles and chats away with her female customers but instantly puts on the slapped arse face when a bloke turns up. She doesn’t like me at all and I’ve no idea why.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Laser beams aimed at me came out of her eye sockets when I first went to her counter straight after I had committed the crime of saying, ‘Hello’. I wouldn’t like to meet her in a dark alleyway that’s for sure.

        Liked by 2 people

  2. Post offices are all musty and government like, old school is more like it. Women draped in sarees sit at the counter and talk the local dialect which I can barely understand , anyways I don’t go there , Lord Zoolon. Just a far off glimpse is enough. It’s signature style is the red post box yippee. That won’t change ever.
    What do you go there for, if I may be so impertinent to ask.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lady Yasmin, you are so right. Indian ladies in bright colour sarees would be the business. I think here the ladies behind the counter are aliens from outer-space sent here spread depression. I have to go to the post office with parcels to send as part of my business is me as a reseller of things. It helps balance out Zoolon’s income streams, but I’m not sure why they’re called ‘streams’ – not a great metaphor.

      Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you. It’s so easy to get lost to the world listening to things you don’t want to listen to when you’re in a queue. I’ve never once been in the post office and come out with an idea for a song inside my head. ~ George

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I never don’t want to listen to stuff. Queuing isn’t my favourite thing to do, but it’s just real life…and that shit’s fascinating to me. If I were a song writer, I’d probably get all my ideas from Tax Offices, public toilets and supermarket queues. 😊

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Your last sentence is something else. Inspiring I’d say. A lyric?
        Which way does the signpost read?
        The sign post to the queue
        They spoke behind my back at the Tax Office
        My true love left me outside the public loo

        Liked by 1 person

  3. What’s up with the post office? It’s where people go to await a nice retirement ( I won’t say the obvious) . Its a horrible place. I enjoyed your great sound George. Helped me get my mind off the P.O. and the souls destined to spend their days there. If anyone creates more time I’m in need of that.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Bukowski’s Post Office I’ve never heard of but it sounds brilliant. I’ll give it a try. I can’t help but to ‘respect’ quality nutters whether they’re smiling or have faces that have forgotten how to smile. Thanks for the read – Respect.

      Like

  4. Now, were you there, by chance, to get postage to send some cool, yet oddly shaped package such as a guitar or a tuba wrapped only in brown paper? (You CAN do that, by the way — my daughter once had a teacher who mailed himself a coconut from Hawaii, and put the address and stamps right on the coconut shell.) Because if you had something interestingly disguised such as that, I bet all eyes and focus would have been on you and the stoneface behind the counter would have broken her silence. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My parcels were really boring that day. A bow tie in a padded envelope, a brass toilet paper holder and something else I’ve forgotten. I sell stuff to help balance the books. It works for me apart from the post office trauma. For PTSD read POSD – I should have used that line in the post thinking about it.

      Like

    1. I don’t know. I don’t drink, smoke or take drugs but lately every thing I do turns surreal on me. It’s great for lyric writing, not so good for sanity. Like today, I go to the barbers and the barber gets out his guitar and we trade goes of it playing flamenco while all the while customers waiting to get their haircut get pissed off at waiting. Odd. Thanks for the read ~ George

      Liked by 1 person

  5. You sound like me when I’m at the dentist. Lady, you’re expecting me to converse with you while you prod my teeth with metal? Come ON.

    And people in lines are weird in general. I could share a few stories about working at the discount department store in the ghetto…

    But anyway, I just wanted to let you know I included your pre-release song in my latest newsletter because you’re awesome, and you’re worth recommending to everyone I meet. 🙂 https://mailchi.mp/b6bc2df1749b/from-the-wilds-of-jean-lees-world-october-2018-edition

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I just checked that out. Truly – thanks a lot. What is so weird with this instrumental number is that last week, after posting it on Twitter of all places, I saw the next morning my ReverbNation stats go through the roof, then I get a message from them telling me the number is trending big time, now your kind inclusion on the website. My quandary – two attempts at spelling this beat the spell check, I’m that hopeless at spelling – is why this one? So odd. Thanks again. ~ George

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ah, spelling gets to me too, especially when I make words up. Spellcheck just can’t keep up with my creative linguistitude. 😉 And you’re most welcome!
        Actually, could you do me a favor? Could you ask your dad if I could do an interview post of him sometime in the early months of 2019? 🙂
        Cheers -Jean

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I’ll catch up with him and tell him. I’m sure he’ll love the opportunity. I know he’s spent a lot of the heatwave we had stuck indoors writing a book. I think it’s about Eve after she left Eden, or something like that. He’s dabbling on Twitter – getting it all mixed up most times – these days!

        Liked by 1 person

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