THE LOWEST POINT OF MY LIFE

white cliffs 11

‘The Exmoor Ponies of The White Cliffs’ by Zoolon

The other day I saw this Japanese tourist girl taking a selfie stood next to a petrol pump at the garage down the road. I thought, ‘why?’ She seemed happy enough though. There was no madness in her eyes. Maybe she thought it was a vintage English static robot?

The next day my mum gets wind that I’m off to Canterbury to get some guitar strings. She asks if she and dad can tag along for the ride on the promise they pay for my breakfast at the French bloke’s café. All I really wanted to do was buy the strings and get back to the studio but didn’t want to appear offhand.

When we’d finished at the café I get the strings. On the way back to the car park we pass the Ann Summers store. For the benefit of anyone who doesn’t know, Wiki says that, ‘Ann Summers is a British multinational retailer company specialising in sex toys and lingerie’. My mum wants to go inside the shop to get fitted for some underwear. Nothing deviant, but still a bit close to ‘too much information’.

Inside she gets whisked off to a fitting room by a girl with a haircut like Richard III except dyed blue (I think) and no hat.

richard III

Dad and me are left stood in the shop. I say, “I’m getting bad vibes. People are looking at us. They probably think you’re an old pervert and I’m the rent boy. We ought to wait for her outside.” He says, “Good plan.”

Outside, Dad wanders off to get a newspaper, so there I am, a 25-year-old bloke stuck standing outside a sex shop waiting for his mum. The random thought hit me that this was the lowest point in my life. This musician’s street cred, my entire cred in tatters for all of time.

It was 35 minutes later she came out of Ann Summers without buying anything. 35 long, tense minutes I’ll never get back.

Time for some music. A few months back I was commissioned by the wonderful poet, Vivian Zems to put one of her poems to song. I did just that. Vivian has very kindly agreed to allow me to showcase her number on ReverbNation. Here it is, ‘Older & Wiser’. She is a great writer.

If any of you poets out there fancy having your poems turned into song, then contact me via the link at the top of the blog.

Lastly, the opening track from my Rainbows End album, a song called ‘All Winter Long’.

Apart Vivian’s song – Copyright © 2017 Zoolon Audio.  All rights reserved.  Unauthorized copying, reproduction, hiring, lending, public performance and broadcasting prohibited.

 

 

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61 thoughts on “THE LOWEST POINT OF MY LIFE

  1. I could relate to Vivian’s lyrics and your music was cool and I could dance to it. Great jazzy intro.

    As for your story, I applaud your parents as they are doing their job we were sent here to do, to embarrass our children fully and completely.
    ^_^

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  2. You cracked me up with this post! TMI for sure and a little worse than pulling out nude baby pictures for a new girlfriend!! Yeah, no getting that time back. Next time use your smartphone to record you humming or singing a new tune and you may be able to salvage something out of it! LOL!

    Great what you did with Vivian! So appreciate you being such a faithful follower of my blog! If you see anything that sets you to humming from my work let me know and perhaps we can craft something!!!
    Chuck

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    1. Thanks Chris. I don’t know a great deal about Jeff Buckley apart from the cover he did of Hallelujah. I’ll have to go listen to a few numbers of his. I might get inspired.

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  3. Love the music to the poem! You would not survive as my son… I do deviant sex shop jokes all the time and I told the preacher just last week I needed to run to our local strip joint to pick up my check! We had a good laugh… yes, your street cred is depleted. LOL! ~Kim

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    1. Thanks. Odd moment! It took me ages to work out ‘check’ – I’m the dyslexic, colourblind bloke – then I got it. We spell it different in the UK. I hope the preacher didn’t offer to drive you over to your place of work – that would mean he knew where it was. I guess you could blackmail him?

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      1. Wow! I’m so impressed as I did not know about the colorblind, dyslexic part. I have a new found respect for the work you do! Incredible. As for the preacher … blackmailing him may be ideal, he lived down the street from the strip club! Lol! He’s a good guy, I’d never do that! But you made me laugh.

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      2. Thanks. Once I thought I’d never write/read and used to get in a mood when told time and time again the sky wasn’t yellow. When they discovered the issues and helped me out I went on to get a 1st class degree. I hope that doesn’t sound like a boast, but I sometimes think there must be thousands of people out there who’s problem never gets found out. I’m glad you had a laugh.

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    1. Don’t I know it. As a kid I used to dread her picking me up from school. All the other mum’s were dressed regular – not mine! I think the word for my lot is ‘Bohemian’.

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  4. I’m dying here! Can’t imagine hehe. You took what I thought would be a sad post and well …just hilarious (although not for you 🙂 I would love to collaborate with you on a song. I would keep it up with links on my front page forever. I don’t know if I have any poems that would make a good actual song hmmmm.

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    1. Thanks. If you do run with the song idea you can contact me on the poem to song link at the top of my blog. You end up with copyright for the song. Anyway, I’m glad you had a laugh.

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  5. JGC, will those lost 35 minutes be remembered as famous or infamous? The ponies are wonderful, a lovely photo. I’m not too sure about a selfie with a gas pump, maybe it’s some sort of novelty. ‘Older & Wiser’, showcases beautifully as a poem to song, both you and Vivian did a great job. ‘All Winter Long’ is my favorite track on the, ‘Rainbows End’ album, it rounds out this post perfectly. Have a terrific Monday and week ahead. ~ PM

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    1. Thanks Robert. I shall be in Brussels on 26th. May. As a lyricist anything that helps inspire is a good thing. I wish you well, but sadly can’t make it ~ George

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      1. Ah, George – break my heart why doncha!
        Should be in Belgium a couple of weeks after you – leave a cairn for me to add a stone to. 😀
        Thanks for the good wishes – have a great trip.
        Kindness – Robert.

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  6. Oh my gosh, this takes me back. So there’s this chain of stores here called Hot Topic, filled with teen apparel addled with comics, music, pop culture, etc. Dad loved that store. Yup, Preacher Dad’s scoping out Harry Potter gear at Hot Topic, and Mom and the rest of us are sitting on the bench, wondering if he’s ever going to be done comparing scarves and wands.

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    1. ‘A preacher with a wand’ would make a good surreal title for something. Probably a movie, or as a title for play around orchestral? Maybe Cohen could have got it in a song.

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    1. A haiku lyric/song? Great question. It could only work if the melody blended with the words perfectly. A certain amount of clever repetition, although it would need a lot of care that the listener didn’t lose interest. There would be no hiding place if the words weren’t song friendly. Choosing the right words would be the key. Alternatively, haiku within or as part of, a piece of sound art might be the answer. Capturing sounds (from nature, or electronically created for example – or a mix of both) that reflected the words as art more than melody supported. Thinking about it, sound art haiku would be unique.

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