(above, a happier me just 48 hours before the ‘the itch’)
What’s the worst thing that you can do to your mum on her birthday? Maybe, forgetting to buy her a present? Possibly, sitting her next to Trump in the restaurant on her special birthday outing? Even, thoughtlessly hiring a hitman to ‘take her out’ so that you can get your hands on an inheritance? That last one was more of a random thought than anything else.
It was the day before her birthday. Both my dad and I hadn’t got her any presents yet. She likes surprises. So, off he and I go to town. I cracked it early. In The Body Shop I spot a box of stuff called ‘A Touch of Youth’. The old man says that I can’t buy her that as the products name sounds like I’m taking the mickey, what with her no longer being in her first flush of ‘youth’. The shop girl comes over and bigs the product up while I’m glazing over. She sells it me; even gift wraps it for me, adding loads of ribbons. Neat. That’s me done.
Then, it’s me bored out of my brains while the old boy is buying this and that for her – I remind him he’s going to have a hell of job wrapping all the presents up. Right at the end of the shopping trip, when I’m thinking of opening a vein I’m so bored, he spots two Art Deco vases – she loves Art Deco – made of frosted white glass. They cost a good few quid, but he buys them. The woman running the place apologizes for the fact that she’s only got plastic bags, so she recommends the bag is held with one hand under its bottom to be on the safe side as the vases are heavy duty glass.
I offer to carry the bag with the vases in because he’s carrying loads of other bags.
We’re walking to the car. I’m walking behind him being ever so careful. Out of the blue I get a random itch behind the ear. It has to be scratched there and then. You know what happens next. I offered to pay for the damage, after he stopped calling me names mainly preceded with a word that began with an ‘f’ and ended with an ‘ing’. Such is life. We dumped the Art Deco remains at the council rubbish tip on the way back.
Time for some music. This one is fresh off the press. It’s a bit of fun. It’s called ‘Guitar Jam’. I hope you like it.
By the way, I’m selling packs of 10 Aluminium RFID Blocking Contactless Debit / Credit Sleeve Wallets on my eBay at £4 for a pack of 10 including UK postage & packing. These wallets are designed to help prevent payment cards being cloned or copied by fraudsters using their smartphones or other readers. Might be worth thinking about?
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