(A photo I took of the grounds of 15th century Sandgate Castle where I had planned to bury Brian if the worst came to the worst)
Followers of this blog will know I regularly meet up with my mate Brian the Sparrow who lives with his harem of adoring girl sparrows harbourside. Presently, the Disney Cruise Liner is moored up in the harbour. That means tourists are in town.
Yesterday afternoon I was at the café there. I find, for reasons medical science can’t prove, that a hot chocolate helps ease my hay fever. Odd but true. Anyway, there I was sat outside trying to think, but ending up listening to a group of American tourists just off the ship, chatting about this and that. I got the impression that they had all met up onboard, rather than knew each other from before.
One of them was really huge and stuffing steak and chips. All the while she was moaning on and on that portion sizes in Europe were far too small, although to me what she had in front of her looked a massive amount of food. Her fellow tourists were scoffing a simple sandwich each and seemed happy enough. Whatever, she hoovered up her food in no time. Her plate no longer raneth over.
At this point, Brian the Sparrow, a polite little bloke who’d never interrupt while someone was eating, landed on the table next to where she was sat. He was on the lookout for orts (a Devonian word that means ‘left-overs’; I know this because I was brought up in Devon). Spotting Brian, she thumped him away with the back of her hand causing Brian to fall from the table. At first, I thought she’d killed him and was about to lose the plot big time. Fortunately, Brian rediscovered his co-ordination just before he hit the ground and flew away to the safety of the hedgerow where he lives.
An American bloke sat opposite her saw the anger on my face and just shook his head in despair as if to say, ‘On behalf of the United States of America, let me apologize for the wicked actions of one of our own’. I nodded back in acknowledgement, accepting the apology on behalf of Her Majesty.
That, however wasn’t the end of it. The lady, now stuffed to the gunnels announced she fancied an ice-cream cone and as she came out of the café holding the cone to her lips she hadn’t noticed that Archie the Seagull had spotted her. He swooped down and nicked it. Nice one, Archie!
At this point, I must add that the fact that this cruel lady was American is an irrelevance. Every box of nations will always have a few rotten eggs. We’ve certainly got enough of them in the UK.
Time for some music. The title track from the album.
By the way, the links to my album, ‘DREAM RESCUER’ are via the track above and right of this page. It costs not much, and is available worldwide. If you fancy buying it and feel able to post a review on Bandcamp, I’d appreciate it.
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