sandgate3 (2)

(A photo I took of the grounds of 15th century Sandgate Castle where I had planned to bury Brian if the worst came to the worst)

Followers of this blog will know I regularly meet up with my mate Brian the Sparrow who lives with his harem of adoring girl sparrows harbourside. Presently, the Disney Cruise Liner is moored up in the harbour. That means tourists are in town.

Yesterday afternoon I was at the café there. I find, for reasons medical science can’t prove, that a hot chocolate helps ease my hay fever. Odd but true. Anyway, there I was sat outside trying to think, but ending up listening to a group of American tourists just off the ship, chatting about this and that. I got the impression that they had all met up onboard, rather than knew each other from before.

One of them was really huge and stuffing steak and chips. All the while she was moaning on and on that portion sizes in Europe were far too small, although to me what she had in front of her looked a massive amount of food. Her fellow tourists were scoffing a simple sandwich each and seemed happy enough. Whatever, she hoovered up her food in no time. Her plate no longer raneth over.

At this point, Brian the Sparrow, a polite little bloke who’d never interrupt while someone was eating, landed on the table next to where she was sat. He was on the lookout for orts (a Devonian word that means ‘left-overs’; I know this because I was brought up in Devon).  Spotting Brian, she thumped him away with the back of her hand causing Brian to fall from the table. At first, I thought she’d killed him and was about to lose the plot big time. Fortunately, Brian rediscovered his co-ordination just before he hit the ground and flew away to the safety of the hedgerow where he lives.

An American bloke sat opposite her saw the anger on my face and just shook his head in despair as if to say, ‘On behalf of the United States of America, let me apologize for the wicked actions of one of our own’. I nodded back in acknowledgement, accepting the apology on behalf of Her Majesty.

That, however wasn’t the end of it. The lady, now stuffed to the gunnels announced she fancied an ice-cream cone and as she came out of the café holding the cone to her lips she hadn’t noticed that Archie the Seagull had spotted her. He swooped down and nicked it. Nice one, Archie!

At this point, I must add that the fact that this cruel lady was American is an irrelevance. Every box of nations will always have a few rotten eggs.  We’ve certainly got enough of them in the UK.


Time for some music. The title track from the album.

By the way, the links to my album, ‘DREAM RESCUER’ are via the track above and right of this page. It costs not much, and is available worldwide.  If you fancy buying it and feel able to post a review on Bandcamp, I’d appreciate it.

Copyright © 2017 Zoolon Audio.  All rights reserved.  Unauthorised copying, reproduction, hiring, lending, public performance and broadcasting prohibited.




  1. yassy says:

    I loved this. Hope Brian is okay. If you see him again , you must tell us, Jurg. You just can’t leave him at the mercy of the environment! By environmental, I mean all elements natural and human lol!

    1. Zoolon says:

      I shall check on Brian on Monday afternoon, and report back, Lady Yasmin.

      1. yassy says:

        You better, lord Zoolon. I will be looking out for your message , I hope your pigeons are gps trained.

      2. Zoolon says:

        Rest assured, Lady Yasmin. I forgot that it’s Sunday tomorrow, so I’ll check out Brain and send Eric the Carrier Pigeon over with a message.

      3. yassy says:

        A Sunday well spent , Lord Zoolon. And your owl?

      4. Zoolon says:

        I’ve only got two shoulders, Lady Yasmin. I have a parrot on one, an owl on the other and a carrier pigeon looking jealously at the other two birds. The truth of it is that I need a third shoulder, but that would mean a third arm. Only then would I become a freak of nature.

      5. yassy says:

        You could perch him on your head ?

      6. Zoolon says:

        Normally I would, Lady Yasmin but he’s developed a taste for exceedingly strong curry so I don’t dare to let him sit on my head at the moment. I can tell you, Brian is OK. I saw him earlier today with, Ruby his new wife. Al is well.

      7. yassy says:

        Honeymooning ? New wife? Harem?

      8. Zoolon says:

        From my research, Lady Yasmin it seems that girl sparrows are the most promiscuous of all of the bird species. Apparently it’s how the sparrows species survives. They all make for the alpha-Sparrow and, well that speaks for itself.

      9. yassy says:


      10. yassy says:

        How scandalizing. The birds and the Bees are not quite what they seem in poetry.

      11. Zoolon says:

        Some birds mate for life. It’s the little birds that have to breed best they can for their species to survive. Odd, but true, Lady Yasmin.

      12. yassy says:

        Interesting, Lord Zoolon. You seem to be a man of knowledge.

      13. Zoolon says:

        I am an animal lover, Lady Yasmin. It is our duty to make sure they survive, I think.

      14. yassy says:

        You think good, Lord Zoolon. Animals are at the mercy of humans , poor creatures, it’s awful !

      15. Zoolon says:

        Respect, Lady Yasmin. You have my respect.

      16. yassy says:

        Likewise, Lord Zoolon.

  2. This made me laugh. Bo’s grandmother would be just like this: she’s used the water hose to spray down bird’s nests, she’s taken a shovel to smashing turtle eggs. And her “kids”–Ben’s uncles and aunt–eat just as you describe.

    I’m glad Brian the Sparrow is all right. Bash has taken to naming the rabbits who come to our yard–well, he’s given one name to any rabbit he sees: Sammy. 🙂 And as we’re horrid with yard care, Sammy loves to eat our weeds. The kids, but Bash especially, just loves it. He holds up his own little plush rabbit named Hoppy to the window and pretends to eat breakfast with him. Yeah, it’s pretty adorable. xxxxxx

    1. Zoolon says:

      I hope the grandmother is off the Christmas list? That’s terrible. I mean she can eat as much as she wants, but destroying birds nest should warrant a prison sentence in my book. It’s good your kids are all for wildlife though. Let’s hear it for Hoppy and Sammy.

      1. Oy, she is a matriarch to the nth degree. She’s livid we won’t let Blondie go on the family boat because she hasn’t passed her swimming lessons yet. “I never learned to swim, and I’m fine.”
        Only because the Grim Reaper is scared to death of you, lady…

      2. Zoolon says:

        My grandmother was a bit like it, scary lady, but she kept giving me money so I overlooked her fixations. Germs was a big thing with her.

      3. Well hooray for funds! 🙂

  3. I would have slapped her back. How dare she! Ugh. Humans, no matter nationality, scare me. I’d rather hang with the critters 😊

    1. Zoolon says:

      I wanted to hit back but I have manners and she was a lady – if it was a bloke I’d have a different take on the matter. Even so I’d happily see her banged up for swotting a sparrow. The sparrow population in England is falling, we don’t need people trying to kill them.

      1. No lady would do that to a defenseless creature. We have names for people like her. I hope Brian is ok 🙂

      2. Zoolon says:

        Thank you. Brian is OK, I saw him a bit earlier today. The sparrow beater has left town – well, I think she has as the ship has left the harbour. People who treat any creature the way she did ought to be locked-up.

      3. Glad to hear he’s well! 😊

  4. We’ve also got bloody brill gulls who deal with them xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Maybe she’ll choke on her next ‘peh’ supper x

    1. Zoolon says:

      Thank you. Everyone seems to hate gulls. I grew up in a family that loves them; hence I do.

      1. Listen that gull was ace as far as I am concerned AND a friend of yours is a pal of mine

      2. Zoolon says:

        Good to hear, Shey. It’s about time Archie and his mates got a good press.

  5. I can’t believe some people would treat a sparrow that way! Well, I can unfortunately. Yes, sadly there are jerks of all nationalities who mistreat animals. Brian sounds like a pretty tough bird, though. I’m glad he recovered so quickly.
    It seems your life is filled with these strange coincidences like the ‘instant karma’ moment 🙂

    1. Zoolon says:

      Thank you. Sometimes I worry about going out. Whenever I go away from the studio things happen that change my day – sometimes good, often not.

  6. George, poor Brian being at the receiving end of a shrew. Fortunately he wasn’t injured and thankfully Archie was able to return the favor. I absolutely love your photo, it’s one I wish I could climb into and stay for a good long time. A stunning and haunting image, capturing beautifully the past and the present. Please enjoy the rest of your Saturday. ~ Mia, R & E

    1. Zoolon says:

      Thank you, Mia. If Brian had to go, that place in the photo is where I’d have put him. There’s a hedge at the side, he’d like that.

      1. You’re most welcome, George.

  7. Timothy Price says:

    I’m happy Brian was able to recover, and way to go Archie. I never have understood people who don’t like little animals. Especially birds.

    1. Zoolon says:

      Thanks. I agree. How can they not ‘understand’? That’s why I like animals over people.

  8. Hot chocolate heals everything…but best not tell Tiny the Tourist about that one. We are Ugly Americans, you know.

    1. Zoolon says:

      I think see may have scoffed all the chocolate in England by now.

  9. Christy B says:

    Brian the Sparrow returns! Ooooh that was a Miss Piggy who didn’t have a Kermit – I think the seagull told her off in the end 😉 Karma!! May Brian stay safe… and you too. Hot chocolate for hay-fever, eh?

    1. Zoolon says:

      I don’t know why, but hot chocolate does help – true. I did try to research it yet came up with nothing relevant. I need to find another serious sufferer who hasn’t tried this method and see what they think. I’m pretty sure Brian is OK by the way. Sparrows only get 3 years life in the ‘wild’ (although in captivity – whatever that means, one once lived until it was 23!!!!) – so it’s best they get half a chance of living without humans ruining it all.

  10. Ward Clever says:

    I am sorry to admit that in fact, America has a higher percentage of cruel jerks than most other nations. And I’m sorry. We deserve to have Piers Morgan for that. I get it.

    1. Zoolon says:

      I bet we – in percentage terms – have just as many cruel jerks, if not more. Also, no one, not a living soul deserves Piers Morgan – what a something, something, something, over-blown something, that something bloke is!

      1. Ward Clever says:

        Haha, yeah… We have Trump. Who we also probably deserve, but the rest of the world doesn’t.

      2. Zoolon says:

        Trump doesn’t come over Presidential, does he? He doesn’t even come over an American – apart from having an American accent. I think he’s a plant from the Planet Uranus, personally.

      3. Ward Clever says:

        He’s from deep in Uranus

      4. Zoolon says:

        I wonder if he has a big key inserted from time to time to wind him up. He looks like he might be powered by clockwork.

      5. Ward Clever says:

        If he only had a brain

      6. Zoolon says:

        He could make up the fourth character in a Wizard of Oz remake!

      7. Ward Clever says:

        He’s a brick

      8. Zoolon says:

        The wicked brick of the West.

      9. Ward Clever says:

        Orange brick, lol

      10. Zoolon says:

        ‘Orange brick’? I could write a rhyming lyric to that first line.

      11. Ward Clever says:

        Door hinge lick

      12. Zoolon says:

        Just the thing for a total p***k. I apologize for lowering the bar with that line.

      13. Ward Clever says:

        That’s rock N roll. Plus it’s Trump, so already low

      14. Zoolon says:

        ‘Turmp, so already low, He acts to quick, but he thinks so slow’. My second apology of the night. Sorry.

      15. Ward Clever says:

        He tweets his bloviations by his orange glow, proud of what he doesn’t know, unjustified ego

      16. Zoolon says:

        He should be on the under-card,
        not top bill at the show,
        when not twisting all that’s proven,
        he makes his cruel words up on the go

      17. Ward Clever says:

        Fat, dumb and slow, he’s gotta go.

  11. Oh the ugly Anerican! A sickening display of cruelty. She’s just lucky she was not in France . I do hope the little sparrow is okay.

    1. Zoolon says:

      Thanks. The only worry about France is their appetite for small flying things! The fact she was American is OK. We’ve a lot more worse than here over here. I can report that I just saw Brian (plus Ruby, the youngest of his wive’s) down at the harbour and he’s his usual self again.

      1. That’s good news. hopefully he and his ladies can fly about unmolested. Have a beautiful day. 🙂

      2. Zoolon says:

        Have a great day, yourself.

      3. Watching Wimbledon! Go Federer!

  12. Delighted to hear Brian survived the murderous lardy one. I hope he craps in her crumble!

    1. Zoolon says:

      There’s fare chance he will – you ought to see the state of my car following one of Archie’s flypasts!

  13. aruna3 says:

    Hey zoolon!!where is dis Italy?wonderful image and represented d situation of ur lovely brian.say her my love.

    1. Zoolon says:

      Thank you aruna3. I can confirm Brian is alive and well, still has a shed load of girl sparrows chasing after him.

      1. aruna3 says:

        Wow wonderful brian.

      2. Zoolon says:

        Brian is not like the others. I can always recognize him, because he has a ton of extra black feathers on his chest – plus the fact he comes right up close to humans he remembers and trusts.

  14. I’ve just joined this “already in progress show” and I’m already wishing I’ve come in sooner. Ok, I’ll run away and check out the scenery now—(by the way, thanks for the follow)

    1. Zoolon says:

      Thank you for reading. I like the concept of ‘runaway nuns’. It could become the greatest metaphor ever.

      1. Lol– thank you

  15. robertcday says:

    Hello. I’m Robert … from York.

    1. Zoolon says:

      Thanks for making contact, Robert…Zoolon

      1. robertcday says:

        You’re very welcome. 🙂

  16. Zoolon, I just checked out your music. Love it! Can’t wait to hear more. 🙂

    1. Zoolon says:

      Thank you. That means a lot to me.

  17. Hot Chocolate does help with hay-fever. Its part of a good medicine.

    I know what you mean about Americans. In America there are 50/50. Bad rotten eggs and the organic good eggs. Humans lack compassion, humans need to reboot their human behavior towards one another.

    1. Zoolon says:

      Thanks for the tip about hot chocolate. It does seem to help, while others just laugh when I tell them! As to Americans, I have to say that stat with the English is 30/70 with the latter having zero compassion.

      1. I couldn’t agree more about Americans. As I am an American myself and I am embarrassed of my own species. It disappoints to know that we live in a country where ‘Pride’, & ‘Rich’ are dominant force. It’s pathetic if you ask me.

      2. Zoolon says:

        I agree, Charlie. Don’t forget it’s the same here. The vote for Brexit was mainly caused by an electorate who loathed immigrants and now reveal their lack of compassion when it comes to true refugees with no place safe to call home. I often say that I prefer animals to people – that’s the truth.

      3. Your right. I’d rather be an animal than a human being. However, there are repercussions that come to becoming an animal. Sometimes though, I wish I was an alien from another planet. I’m sure they don’t have a complicated system like we do. I mean who knows right?

      4. Zoolon says:

        I reckon if it’s in a conscious state, then the scope for foul play will always exist, human or alien. Maybe everything would be better if we weren’t conscious – maybe like goldfish, with a 10 second memory span?

      5. Yes, goldfish would be something else. 🙂

        I always thought about being a mountain. Imagine, mountains just stay there and observe the world of what they are doing to the planet.

      6. Zoolon says:

        A mirror? It would have to be safely fixed to the wall, mind.

  18. Amal says:

    I am waiting for your post.

    1. Zoolon says:

      I’ve just posted, as it happens.

  19. cindy knoke says:

    She is, most likely, a Trump supporter. They eat steak everyday and like to kill things.

    1. Zoolon says:

      I fear she must be, but never forget in England we have our own demons doing much the same thing. It’s all a bit sad, worldwide.

  20. Shinchan says:


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