All I wanted was a seriously dark chocolate Easter Egg. Not only did I not get a seriously dark chocolate Easter Egg, I didn’t get any. You’d have thought at least my own mother would have got her beloved son a seriously dark chocolate Easter Egg. She didn’t.

Given that two years ago I took time out to mow her lawn, and only last week offered to vacuum for her as she had a bad shoulder – a mission I had to abort when I suddenly remembered I have a dust allergy making vacuuming a big no-no – she would have taken time out to go and buy one for me. Plus – a big plus – on Good Friday I pointed out to her that the seagulls had shat all over her car again and if I were her I’d take down to the carwash. Not even the sniff of a seriously dark chocolate Easter Egg. I feel unloved by my own mother, that’s for sure.

When I asked where my seriously dark chocolate Easter Egg was, all she said was that we don’t celebrate Easter. I then reminded her that when I was a kid, celebrate Easter or not, I used to get hundreds of Easter Eggs, to which she replied, “If we hadn’t given you Easter Eggs as a kid you’d have felt left out as all your mates had them.” That cruel remark caused a random thought, namely that I think I preferred it being a kid.

Also, I pointed out that she gave me a regular Easter Egg last year. She replied saying that she had too many eggs last year and that’s why she gave one of them to me. I then asked if she had any spare this year. All she said was, “Not a chance, I’ve eaten them all.”

I have a brand-new album (more about that another time) for release soon. I’m going to make her pay for her copy. That’ll teach her.

Anyway, time for a bit of music. An experimental number called ‘Decider’. Hope you enjoy;

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  1. yassy says:

    It’s an all out egg war between you and your mama. Don’t be mean Jurg, she must have a reason for not letting you have your egg , you can’t take money from her fur your album. How wicked is that lol?

    1. zoolonaudio says:

      How wicked? I learn she’s scoffed all hers and never called me to share – now that’s really mean, Lady Yasmin.

      1. yassy says:

        Huh! Somehow I don’t believe you. Your mama can’t do that to you, and you are such a baby.

      2. zoolonaudio says:

        It’s true. She did. I shall have to write a song – a sad ballad – about it.

      3. yassy says:

        I am so sorry , Lord 😭😭😭😭😭

  2. yassy says:

    Those look like your eggs.

    1. zoolonaudio says:

      Not sure, Lady Yasmin. I hate white chocolate and some in that pic have bits of white chocolate on them. My favourite chocolate has to have 85% cacao. They make a good one in Ghana.

      1. yassy says:

        I am sorry , lord Zoolon! How did you miss your seriously dark chocolate? It’s a pity when it happens to our king !

      2. zoolonaudio says:

        I’ve insisted she puts extra cheese in my macaroni cheese.

      3. yassy says:

        That’s cheating. lol

  3. I am seriously vexed for you for the absence of a seriously dark chocolate Easter egg. All the more so, since I am the Easter Bunny (as well as Santa) hereabouts and I neglected to provide Easter eggs (as well as selection boxes, last year) for my three grown-not-at-home children and now feel seriously guilty. If it’s any consolation, no bugger bought me one. Except for me. Which was delicious , btw. Albeit, cream eggs ain’t what they used to be in size or thickness of chocolate so it’s just as well it came with a bigger hollow one. Not seriously dark though so you probably wouldn’t have liked it. I did. Mug of tea last night and all gone before you could say, ‘Hey, mum, where’s my egg/the seagulls have paid a visit again/achoo!’
    I did, however, provide eggs for the resident weans and spouse so I feel you may have a good case against mum and/or dad. To the ECHR, pronto, before such an option disappears like chocolate dipped in tea.
    Seriously good piece of music, btw. And apt. Who decides when to put an end to chocolate? Not I, for it is written, somewhere, that while mum has chocolate, all must have chocolate. Unless they don’t find your stash and you’re really sneaky about it.
    Happy Easter! Or not. 😉

    1. zoolonaudio says:

      I’m hoping they’re half price in Lidl’s. It’s my only hope now. The worst of it is that she apparently scoffed all hers. I can’t even blame it on the Tories – although, thinking about it I might just do that small thing.

      1. I would. Because they would if they’d thought of it. Good luck in Lidl’s. Seriously. 🙂

      2. zoolonaudio says:

        Teresa May reckons she feels us all coming together as a nation – I don’t think so.

      3. Me neither.

  4. I got no eggs nor mom so I have nothing to add! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    1. zoolonaudio says:

      Never mind. You can have a song called ‘Ants in Awkward Places’ instead of an egg – less calories as well. https://soundcloud.com/zoolon/ants-in-awkard-places

  5. Any time is a good time for dark chocolate…or any chocolate for that matter. Maybe you should have actually taken the car to the car wash for her! Nice sounds!

    1. zoolonaudio says:

      She hasn’t got me on the insurance for her car, but she did take mine to the car-wash the other week – I’d rather she washed it by hand though. They never get all the dirt off the alloys in a car-wash.

      1. I don’t think you should tell her that…

  6. Sad about the dark chocolate egg situation, here’s to hoping that next year will be more promising. I really enjoyed “Decider”, perfect for this morning. ~ Featherella & Lightfoot Walker

    1. zoolonaudio says:

      If I had had the gift of a seriously dark chocolate egg I wouldn’t have eaten it all. I could have melted some it down into a slipper and send it you – then again, it might have melted by the time it arrived.

      1. It’s the thought that counts, thank you.

  7. May I just say I am shocked beyond measure at the neglect . not just of you mother, Lady Shirl, but your father, Lord Mike. How have you survived all these years with them?

    1. zoolonaudio says:

      Truly, Shey I do not know. Even though I have a bad cold I went to Lidl’s earlier and the Mars Eggs are on half price offer – the problem is I don’t like that kind.

      1. They are on half price cos every one else feels the same re Mars eggs…..

      2. zoolonaudio says:

        Mars = not nice.

      3. To quote my latest heroine in terms of got it… ‘In one, Zoolon. In one.’

  8. I was so grieved I commented before I listened. Just wait till you sell a mill of this Lord Zoolon and you keep all your eggs. They will be the sorry ones. I love the peaks and crests of this. Brilliant. Espesh the peaks

    1. zoolonaudio says:


  9. Heartafire says:

    Your sad tale is definitely inspirational. I imagine you are are putting it all down in a song now. Makes me want to write a poem about dark chocolate and how heartbreaking it can be. .28 fabulous!

    1. zoolonaudio says:

      I think the metaphors dark chocolate can represent is made for poets like you.

      1. Heartafire says:

        I do love dark chocolate!

  10. This is a tragedy. I forgot to buy myself seriously white chocolate and my kids ate all the Reese’s PB eggs. Be strong and carry forth despite this setback

    1. zoolonaudio says:

      I shall do my best to overcome this tragedy.

  11. Care for one of our chocolate bunnies? We only ended up with a few dozen thanks to relatives who do nothing but throw chocolate bunnies at small children.

    1. zoolonaudio says:

      Are they dark chocolate? I usually gag for dark chocolate.

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