THE UNIMAGINATIVE POLTERGEIST

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‘When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth,’ the words of Sherlock Holmes, written by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and popular with the odd philosopher stuck for an answer.

I was stuck behind a hearse and limousine funeral procession the other day. I didn’t mind having to drive so slowly. It would be disrespectful to mind. The thought did hit me that if it were my funeral I like to think the hearse driver would put his foot down and create an impression. Obviously, in my Will I would cost in the speeding fines.

Talking of death, I am pretty sure there is a poltergeist in the house. Up until now I’ve always thought that if poltergeists did actually exist they would be chucking chairs around, turning the lights on and off and doing their best to scare people. My poltergeist seems to be useless at scaring and causing mayhem. The only thing it does is move tins of biscuits, tea, coffee and bread during the night.

What happens is that every night – call it OCD but it’s not – I push the tins back uptight against the wall. Every morning I can see they’ve been moved during the night. Even though I don’t drink tea or coffee and only am interested in the dark chocolate digestive biscuits (that’s what’s in the biscuit tin) I do check all the tins and nothing has been nicked (I’ve even started counting the teabags just to be sure). So, I ask myself why have the tins been moved away from the wall? I’ve checked out all possibilities and it can only be a poltergeist short on style and imagination.

At the top of this post is a pic of the tins last thing at night, at the bottom the same tins first thing in the morning. It’s the same every day. This has been going on for three weeks now. Odd.

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36 comments

    1. Friendly, but still not a true artist. He’s not mastered his ghostly duties. I wonder if it’s a he or a she? Probably a he as it’s untidy. He’s are more untidy than she’s?

  1. You should place a camera there and watch next morning 🙂 I wonder too now. Your songs are so beautiful, I am listenng to them, especially the just a shadow on the wall, Love, nia

    1. Possibly I do. So long as it leaves my guitars alone things are OK. If it touches my 12 string it’s dead for the second time. Best wishes to you, Mia & T-Rex.

      1. Best of luck with your house guest, I hope he/she can avoid being twice dead. Thank you, best wishes to you too George, have a wonderful weekend ahead. ~ Mia & T-Rex

  2. Oh. My. G-O-S-H. I nearly woke the kids laughing from this one. First, I think it quite smart to factor in the speeding ticket cost for that funeral procession, oooor…why not make an event of it? Race to the Grave! Sounds like a bad Jason Statham movie. ANYway. you could establish a cause and/or charity to benefit, and everyone gets to race in hearses they decorate.

    As for the poltergeist, this sounds like the stuff of a kid’s story…or Beetlejuice. Did you ever see the film? The ghosts have no clue how to haunt at the outset, so they contact Beetlejuice for help, and, well, hell breaks loose, as it were.

    1. I know Beetlejuice. I don’t think my ghost, even with a little help would be any good even then. Like in real life, you’ve got it, or you haven’t. Hearse racing instead of horse racing is a good idea and safer for the horses.

  3. Either that or your floor slopes. Seriously your dad and I were talking ghosts not so long ago. There was one in our last house. Quite an experience. Love the idea of the hearse. Get famous. It will be even better!

  4. Yep, that’s him. The same thing was going on in my apartment last year, with the only difference that he moved some heavier things. I was quite upset, but then it stopped. Sometimes you can see them in the day time. They look like grey dustballs and you can see them with your peripheral vision.

  5. Wow, that’s creepy! I guess there are a lot more of these in the UK as I’ve been reading about on my blog vine. I don’t know whether I should be grateful or jealous that I’ve never experienced any ghost or poltergeist visits.

    1. I set up my GoPro to try and catch it in action for 2 nights in a row and nothing happened. The next night they moved again – when the GoPro wasn’t there. I must be really useless at what it does though. I mean how could anything resist dark chocolate digestives.

  6. I hesitate to share my own “tin” story lest I be thought more than a bit daft – but I swear there was a witness who knew my house relatively well:
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Background: My Italianate Colonial house had long been rumored to haunted. Many little oddities had occurred since I took occupancy – and my dogs sensed something from time to time (suddenly on high alert but not growling or barking, as they would have, had there been an intruder).

    Tin Incident ::cue Twilight Zone Music::
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Imagine if you will: a group of overlapping 20s/30s cookie tins used for display only, standing on edge, “pretty sides” toward the room/backs to wall, at the top of a very tall cabinet in a kitchen with extremely high ceilings.

    They clattered noisily as my friend moved through the open kitchen archway, on her way to get more coffee. “I didn’t touch ANYTHING,” she hollered, since I had remained in the living room.

    When I rushed into the kitchen to survey the damage, every single tin had been turned around to face the wall, but still pretty much exactly where they had been, overlapping and still on their edges. Only the bottoms of the tins were visible from where we stood, but otherwise it looked much the same. It took me over 15 minutes to turn them all around again, arranged the way I had originally, with the best painted artwork showing – and I had to get out the step ladder to do so. I was (and am), btw, over a head taller than my friend.

    “There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamed of in your philosophy” ~ Hamlet
    btw: LOVE your canisters!
    xx,
    mgh
    (Madelyn Griffith-Haynie – ADDandSoMuchMore dot com)
    – ADD Coach Training Field founder; ADD Coaching co-founder –
    “It takes a village to transform a world!”

    1. Thanks for commenting, Madelyn. What is it with poltergeists and tins? Are you sure you didn’t drop your ghost off here in Dover? My one has been setting off the smoke alarms at exactly 5AM for the last week or so. I think he/she or it (probably a ‘he’) has got emboldened a tad. The alarms have been checked out and there is nothing wrong with them. So far, my guitars and other instruments haven’t been touched, but the alarm is so loud the whole town must be able to hear them. I’m guessing sooner or later the police will be about assuming the non-drinker, non-drug taking, non-smoker ‘me’ is smoking cannabis or something like that. Best of luck on the hauntings front, George

      1. Mine used to turn my bedroom lamps on and off too – different lamps, different outlets, checked the bulbs, the wiring, swapped in lamps from other rooms. ONLY in my bedroom.

        NOBODY believed me unless they witnessed it for themselves and repeated all my “checking.”

        Feeling like a crazy lady, I finally got things to settle down when I stood in the middle of the bedroom and said (aloud),
        “Okay – everybody gets to live here, and nobody needs to be scared, got it?”

        *Everything* suddenly stopped!
        xx,
        mgh

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